The Signing

After picking up Black Lady from Liverpool Street (who had flown in especially all the way from Germany!) and wrestling with the idiosyncracies of the beloved London Underground, I finally made it to Forbidden Planet, to be greeted by the shocking sight of far more people than we expected. This had caused quite a long queue, even though we were half an hour early, but luckily the fellow droolers had come even earlier and got up towards the front. Although we'd never met any of them before, you couldn't help but notice Pat, dressed head to foot in black leather (including Zev-boots!), and Squish with her violently blonde hair, so I thought "they must be droolers!" and waved.
And so the waiting commenced. At this point there was Pat, Squish, Cass (suffering from Swamp Fever and therefore not at work), Genevieve, Morrow, Burntime, Frodo, Black Lady and I, and I have a feeling poor Burn was a little intimidated by our vociferous and sometimes violent attitude as to what we were going to do to Michael if we ever got our hands on him! This, however, was in jest (honest) as we had all promised Contender (Richard) that we would be good and behave ourselves. So we stood, and we smoked, and we waited, and we smoked a lot more. "Warning! Waiting for Michael McManus can be bad for your health". To pass the time, we took lots of pictures of each other until we realised this would probably mean running out of film before we got inside, so we stopped. You could smell the oestrogen in the air by the time the cast actually arrived. "Oh My God!" I shouted "I've just seen Michael McManus!" to be greeted with cries of "Where?" by everyone else, but they had snuk inside too quickly to be spotted.

With nerves you could play a harp concerto on, we moved along the line. No-one had thought to bring a paper bag to control the hyperventilation that was threatening to run rife among us (nasty symptom of Swamp Fever) as more and more people were let in. Squish had her sheaf of pictures she wanted the poor man to sign, others had magazines, photo's, and breasts (although we decided against that at the last minute). Burn tried to break the tension with stories of what happened last time he went to a signing, which I won't reveal here...hehehe...but be sure to ask him next time you see him. By this point we had also been joined by Spike and Meltdown, who stood nervously beside this gang of braying women. And then we were in.

Once inside, the tension reached fever pitch...everyone wondering what to say, not wanting to look a complete idiot or a sad fan, or faint and have to be given mouth to mouth. (Actually that was an option, but we didn't know if Michael knew how to do it). Suddenly we turned the corner, and there they were! Live and in the flesh! And what flesh... We were handed video's by one of the shop assistants, which made taking photo's even more tricky, especially as the nerves were visibly showing by this point. No-one could hold their camera steady, women were fainting, babies crying...well alright, we were sniggering amongst ourselves wondering if it would be socially acceptable to climb across the table, grab Michael and snog him. We decided to wait until later.

Xenia looked a lot smaller than I imagined when she refused to sign my video because she wasn't in it. "Fair point!" I said, then kicked myself for being so stupid. But she signed a piece of paper for me instead as the photo's hadn't arrived yet. Brian on the other hand was much taller than I thought, and looked very cute in his little round glasses. "Are you bored yet?" I asked. "No" he said. End of conversation. And then...Michael. That really was Michael McManus sitting mere inches away from me on the other side of the desk. (Luckily it was a very high desk or I would not have been able to resist trying the old "climbing over the desk and snogging" trick previously pondered). "To Emerald please" I stuttered. "As in the gem?" he asked, looking at me and causing various parts of my body to melt. "Yes" I whispered. As I turned around, Squish took a photo. I'm waiting with anticipation to see whether I'd gone as red as I think I had... And then it was over... out into the fresh air and 8 hands went straight into pockets and bags to pull out much needed cigarettes, after almost forgetting to pay for the video's we had just so lovingly acquired.

By this point of course, we were all feeling much calmer, and chatted variously to Contender (lovely bloke, nice blue eyes), Clarence (Paul Donovan's assistant) and journalists Mel and Steve who were due to interview the cast later in the day. Clarence was darting in and out like the proverbial blue arsed fly as different promo photo's and posters kept arriving, and was handing out free stuff to us all as we had missed it. Cat had also turned up at this point and almost missed the whole thing, but Contender made sure he got in. When Clarence had finally exhausted the supply of stuff and himself, he mentioned that if we were hanging around, we could wait until the queues died down and then go in for a chat. "Wonderful!" we all cried, then shit ourselves as no-one could think of anything to say. Everyone rooted around for more things to sign, and poor Cass nearly had a heart attack when she couldn't find anything. Genevieve was dared (several times before she accepted) to have her arm signed, and everyone refused Spike's request to get Xenia to sign his poster with "I love you Spike!", until an accomodating staff member agreed to get it done. So we made our way again to the desk and stood like frightened bunnies in the headlights, while Brian, Xenia and Michael looked at us and fidgeted. Then Michael and Brian finally gave up and went outside for a cigarette. "Hmmm! Cigarette!" we thought as one being, and dutifully filed out to keep them company. Many many photo's were taken, and Michael let slip that he wanted a beer, so Squish (subtle as ever) took the man by the arm and marched him down to the Princess Louise pub...

The Pub

The walk down to the Princess Louise involved Squish and Michael in the lead looking like two mother hens while all us chicks followed behind, running to keep up. Not knowing where the hell we were going and having trouble with my painful and semi-broken shoes, I kept trying to attract Squish's attention to ask how far it was, but I couldn't remember her real name (sorry Theresa!) and after a couple of attempts of shouting "Squish!" loudly whilst running down New Oxford Street in high heels I realised how stupid I looked and stopped. We finally arrived and settled, having plied Michael with beer, and made him tell us all about everything. His favourite episode is "Wake the Dead" (to which we all cheered) because he got to have so much fun making it. He also let on that while Brigadoom was fun to make, it's a bit painful to watch! The wig used to feel like real hair apparently, but now the whole thing has matted into one solid lump (niiiice!), and takes around 45 minutes to an hour and a half to put on. He is trying to learn German so that he can dub his own voice for the German TV version, but says it's very difficult and the Germans have politely declined his embryonic linguistic talents(awww).He also let on a couple of things about series 3
I borrowed Squish's phone to call my husband, and when I returned, the scene before me was classic. Michael McManus surrounded by 15 silent people hanging on his every word. I expected someone to notice and come over and say to him "S'cuse me, are you the new Messiah?" We must have looked a right strange bunch...
The barmaid leant over the bar and said "Michael? Michael McManus? Phone call for you". Michael looked at his half full glass and said "Tell them I've just left!" Around half an hour later, we were all trailing down to the Sci-Fi channel building in dribs and drabs, having got variously separated and lost. By the time Genevieve, Cat and I made it down there, Squish and the others had started coming back to look for us, so we had a quiet 10 minutes with Michael and Brian all to ourselves, in which I completely failed to talk to them and instead took some photo's. Brian's attempt at conversation with me, "That's a nice camera, I've got one of those" got him the nervous reply "It's my mum's", so he rightly gave up. Pat arrived subsequently, having had trouble caused by variously little legs and hard-to-walk-in Zev boots, and I had to say my farewells. Michael had already disappeared inside by this time to give the interviews we had nearly made him miss, so I said goodbye to all and wandered off in search of my tube.
Can you come over again guys, so I can do it properly this time?

The Evening by Pat

We decided there was no point waiting around in front of the Sci-Fi Building, since they were running late with their interviews and photoshoots and all, so we were back off to the pub. People were giving us strange looks as we sang the Brunnen-G anthem in a drunken stupor (I was the only one who was sober - it was just too funny watching everybody else get drunk!), so we spontaneously decided to find out which hotel they might be staying in. An inside source had told me: "Channel 5 organized their lodgings, it's a hotel somewhere near their building." We staggered down to Long Acre. Squish politely knocked on the door of the Channel 5-Building, and a friendly nightwatchman opened and looked at us questioningly. Squish starts telling him a story about having lost her friend's address, and all she knew was that this friend was staying in a hotel nearby. The security guard can think of two big hotels down a side street, and we follow his directions.

We arrive at the Mount Baton hotel, and from the other side of the street, through the glass windows, Morrow and myself both spot Michael walking towards the reception, so in we go, and you should see Michael's face when we show up there! He must have feared that we'd end up stalking him forever, but gives Squish 12 out of 10 for perseverance. He had just asked the receptionist how to find the "Lamb & Flag"-pub, so Squish, always helpful, takes him by the arm and says, "Don't worry, love, I know exactly where that is, we'll take you down there!" Resignedly, Michael allows Squish and Morrow to take him by the hands and drag him out of the hotel and out into the streets of London.

As we are outside the hotel, Squish whispers to me, "Where on earth is that bloody pub? I never heard of it!"

So we end up walking into eve ry restaurant asking for directions, and we arrive there eventually, and who should be there but Brian and Xenia! We stay around and talk with them (Xenia was officially declared to be our sister, and converted even the formerly dedicated Eva-fans!), while Michael, who had not eaten anything all day, left us to get some food. Actually, he furtively looked over his shoulder to see if we'd notice, and walked off into the night, never to be seen again - I hope he had as good a time as we turned out to have!

We walk Brian and Xenia back to their hotel after the pub shuts down for the night, and they invite us for drinks at the hotel bar, where we stay until 2.45 am and have a wonderful time talking to them! At this point, the Lexxians still present are Morrow, Squish, Cass, Black Lady and myself. Xenia goes to bed around 1 am, and we are joined by Brian's girlfriend, Mary Elizabeth. Brian is very concerned for our well-being and keeps buying everybody more drinks, and entertains us with stories from the set of Lexx. He patiently answers all our questions and agrees with various inconsistencies we spotted in the films and the series, saying that we should contact the writers about those, as they didn't believe anybody would notice whenever Brian, Michael or Xenia pointed them out.

All us women, of course, are wondering where Michael is, and when trying to page him in his room, we find out that, wherever he might be, it's not in the hotel. So Morrow, Squish and Brian decide to leave notes at the reception for him so he'll have a laugh when he gets home in the morning (apparently, Brian threatened to send us to the airport in the morning as a send-off committee). After some more photos are being taken, we say our goodbyes, and Brian insists on calling us some taxis to make sure we all get home alright. We hug and kiss Brian, Mary Elizabeth and each other half to death and get into our respective cabs... And, needless to say, the moment we all got home, we ended up in the Lexx-chatroom, where we talked for the rest of the night.

I wish to express my thanks to the organizers of the cast visit to London as well, and hope we'll see Michael, Brian, Xenia and Mary Elizabeth back here soon! What lovely, brilliant people! We had a wonderful time, and can only hope that they enjoyed themselves as much as we did!

The Verdict

Well, speaking for myself I had a wonderful day. It was certainly far more than I had expected...we knew Brian had expressed an interest in going to the pub with us, and it was a shame he couldn't come in the afternoon so us having-to-go-early types could have met him properly, but all reports say that he and Xenia are really wonderful people who are not afraid to spend time getting to know the fans. You don't get that very often and we should be very grateful to them for their openness. Michael is every bit as gorgeous in real life...tall...handsome...and very much alive! He has a great sense of humour and even with us hanging around him like flies was ever the gentleman. He and Squish are now "old friends", and he may even come back if she promises to leave him alone! (Only kidding Squish me old pal! hehehe). Turns out he lived in Primrose Hill for a year between 1989 and 1990 and Squish is from Camden originally (just down the road), so they're virtually related!
I for one would like to thank Salter Street, Channel 5, The Sci-Fi Channel, Contender Video and Forbidden Planet for organising the event, and the cast for making us all feel so welcome in their world.

Come back any time, y'hear?

© Emerald